Judgement & Blame – By Yittah Lawrence
These two thoughts/actions/behaviours often go hand in hand.
Many people do not even know when they are being judgmental, or blaming others.
Our ability to judge is imperative to our own survival
We have needed it as a species to survive through history.
Judging the driest and warmest cave to sleep in during the wintertime enabled our species to survive.
Judging when to cross a road, is as essential a skill now as that was then.
The problem does not lie in our ability to judge, but rather where and how we use this talent.
When we use this skill to Judge another is when we misuse it.
At that moment, we are not either able or willing to take responsibility for our own behaviour.
We first, misunderstand what the purpose of the skill is, and then in using it incorrectly, we lose the value of a very powerful inbuilt tool.
It seems that we, humans have an inner force that drives us towards our good. This is part of the gift of life.
To assist us we have an inner resource that enables us to observe others, and to see dissections in different behaviours.
Perhaps this is the starting point of all judging.
However it is like there is a fork in the road. On the one hand, we are provided an ability to increase self survival, and on the other hand the same ability can cause much harm to others and ourselves.
When we judge another to be good, or better than ourselves it is that we do not see that goodness within ourselves. So, life has provided us with a mirror.
It is the same if we see another doing what we perceive as bad or wrong.
An example of this
And why we usually have such a strong negative response would be something like this story:
A really hard working father sees his fifteen year old child playing a computer game, during study time.
The father starts to scream, rave and rant, at the child, goes in and complains to the child’s mother, and is still angry at night at the dinner table.
Dad talks about how hard he works, the child has no value of money, does not realise how difficult it is when you grow up.
Child does not know what happened.
This reaction seems a little extreme to everyone but Dad.
Mum knows Dad gets very upset when people are lazy, so accepts the behaviour as normal, and agrees with Dad, child is still lost as to what happened.
Through a series of questioning, we discover that Dad did not study as well as he could at school, his degree is a pass mark, and he has never been able to get a top job.
Yes, Dad is genuinely concerned for son.
But the reflection of Dad’s own behaviour created the strong reaction.
Had Dad studied a little more,, done well, and so able to get the jobs he wanted, his reaction would have been quite different.
Possibly his reaction would have looked more like this:
Ask the child, if he really had time to play the computer?
Explain to the child why study time was so important.
Exhibit some other kind of rational behaviour.
It is the reaction that tells us whether or not a mirror is being held up.
When we perceive a wrong doing that we respond to with no emotional charge at all, no mirror is held up, we still see the wrong doing, and take action accordingly in a calm manner.
When the mirror is held up, we react rather than respond.
Our body even explains this to us. When we point a finger at another, our body is saying,
“Look at you, for there are three fingers pointing right back at you, each time you point a finger at another”.
The most productive course f action is to look within honestly. To acknowledge to ourselves how this situation is reflecting,, or echoing our selves.
This is how we can stop blaming, and judging and accept full responsibility for ourselves.
Using our abilities for the purpose they were meant for always makes us into people we can like more.
From time to time you may notice typos. I will do my best with editing, however small errors may occur. And I plead for your patience. With early onset Macular Degeneration my choice is to write or not write. I have chosen to write. My books will have an external editor my blogs will be edited by me.No sympathy required, I still live life fully, I merely tell you this in the name of authenticity & transparency.